Dear Anne: I love your column, and I’m writing to provide a different perspective for the woman whose family isn’t celebrating her birthday, Mother’s Day, or Christmas the way she wants. She says she gives them gifts, but they don’t reciprocate.
Well, I have a friend who goes overboard celebrating this holiday. She will spend an entire year looking for the special gift. Sometimes it’s more like 50 gifts and of course my friend feels disappointed with my ONE gift card.
Annie, I don’t have the time, energy, money, and most importantly the desire to scour the entire state in search of the perfect gift. I think my friend and this dear woman should take note. Yes, people give what they would like to receive. I would love a restaurant or a Walmart or Target gift card and that’s it!
If a person doesn’t give you something, maybe they don’t want something. This woman should try. They could wish her a happy birthday or Mother’s Day. They could give her a greeting card. But that should be enough. Just because this woman decorates and does all these other things doesn’t mean everyone else wants to do the same thing. I know not.
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I repeatedly tell my friend that we should stop giving gifts. But she doesn’t understand, and year after year I can tell she’s disappointed.
I really don’t want other people to give me extra special gifts, because I don’t want to do it for them.
My suggestion is that my friend and the woman who wrote you should save all that hype they spend on other people and throw their own party for themselves, because in reality, that’s what they want. Thank you for listening to me.
Dear Over the Top: Why not just be comfortable with your gift and also be comfortable with your friend who seems to like going the extra mile? Lots of people express their love through giving and doing, and that definitely describes your friend.
Why judge her for that? Just be safe with your gift. The quality of the time you spend with her is much more important than receiving or giving large amounts of things.
Dear Anne: My husband was recently promoted to CEO of the company he works for. At first we were all so excited for him.
Over the past two months he has seemed to become almost arrogant towards us. He just complains at the dinner table that no one can do the job as well as him. I don’t really know where this arrogance comes from.
What should I do to help it slow down its rolling?
— Married to an Ego Man
Dear groom: One of my favorite quotes is, “Almost all men can handle adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
Talk to him and point out that his arrogance will only hurt himself and others in the long run.
New York Law School and New York University graduate Annie Lane writes this column for Creators Syndicate. Email your questions to [email protected]